The Joke on Prince Street

Chronicles of a Fuck-up

I Think an Unwritten Smiths' Song Just Happened to Me

So I'm walking down Prince Street on my lunch break and this girl who's too attractive to smile at me, smiles at me. I smile back very surprised. But then again, she smiled with her mouth open and a nod, so really...an attractive girl on Prince Street laughed at me. I have no idea why. She had some funny looking dog and shades. She walked normal so I couldn't see anything that she or her dog may be doing that she'd laugh at when being noticed by another person in the act. Maybe I gave her dog a funny look, I won't rule that out. I did take a small hop-step from the sidewalk to the street, which I didn't think resembled a misstep or trip. Maybe she was laughing at that. Maybe she was just a crazy person. Typical. Maybe I knew her and just didn't recognize her and she was delivering one of those, funny-running-into-you-here-of all-places sort of laugh greets. Or maybe its the most obvious, me walking down Prince Street on my lunch break is very quite a laughing matter. Comedy.

Pac Man: Domestic Ghosts (Episode 002)

Pac Man takes the trash out after dinner. The neighborhood is quiet, the same. He stands there in his driveway and out comes Mrs. Bottle Pop, she smiles and waves with her slim cigarette in hand. Her dark skin, immaculately smooth and fragranced by dish-soap and sweat.

"You smell nice Sandy."

"Oh, thanks hon. I can't imagine that I would, after chasing those monsters to sleep." She indicates the house behind her.

"Yea." Pac man tries to pretend he's interested. His mind has already given up on the conversation. Mrs. Bottle Pop senses his eyes tracing her.

"I saw when you pulled up this afternoon, you seemed a bit distraught hon, everything alright?"

He wanted to say "no," but, "no less than any other day" was what become of the idea.

They shortly returned, each to their steps and up to their houses, in bed with their spouses as the same night closed them off from any further activity until the merciful sun arose the following day.

Pac Man: Domestic Ghosts (Episode 001)

Pac Mac walks into his home. He can hear the kids running upstairs, the living room's a mess. Mrs. is cooking, she blows her husband a kiss. Pac Man smiles though he notes its no longer up to him. He smiles everyday when they repeat that same ritual. Mrs' kisses aren't even really there, they're just a reaction, like slapping the air for an annoying fly. Pac Man heads upstairs into the bathroom and sits at the corner of the tub's rim. Holding his breath for a good minute before letting it back out. Breathing heavily, like he used to when something exciting would happen to him.

Confessions of a Crap Artist: Monetary Diet

I should get another job. Something that I could use to pay rent with or pay for a plane ticket or some synths and midi controllers. But I can't stand the idea of dressing up a resume or the nerve sucking anxiety of the commute to an interview, the pretense, the forced smile that sticks in place like a stiff neck, I don't know how to convince someone that I want a job when I actually really don't.

"So what would you contribute to

this company to help it grow."

I don't care about any job, I just want the money and I'll gladly pretend or at the very least keep my thoughts to myself and refrain from any difficulty towards allowing my employers to get out of me what they want in exchange for what I want in return. But I can't say that in an interview and its getting really hard to keep my mouth shut, trapped tight within in a smile.

"I won't bring anything to the table, I'll just do whatever job

it is I'm applying for and I'll do it well. I really don't care for

it but it pays decent enough that I could do the things I

want on my off time and forget I work here."

And The Ever Expanding Universe...

Adam - (2009) Directed by Max Mayer;

Starring Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne

Just saw Adam tonight at Angelika.

I hate it when I watch movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Science of Sleep in theatres and the audience laughs at the weird, awkward protagonist on the screen...I don't really hate it, it just annoys me but I can't take it too deeply since I've further noticed that the audience at theatres are usually spangled with individuals who are the unfortunate possessors of a dislocated funny bone, which causes them to cackle at any little occurrence.

I should've expected this to happen in Adam. Directed by Max Mayer and starring Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne, Adam was a good film and introduced me to Asperger's Syndrome. The only problem is now I'm wondering if I may have some of the symptoms of Asperger's gone undiagnosed all these years. Not picking up on social cues, such as reading body language (I'm practically dyslexic), starting or maintaining a conversation, and taking turns talking. Then there's the dislike of changes in routine and lack of empathy. Preoccupation with only one or few interests (in my case music and film and they're the only topics I can really talk about). There is also heightened sensitivity and overstimulation is easily triggered by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes, scents, or textures.

Another main problem of mine is interacting with another person and not truly being able to tell what that person is trying to communicate to me, it has to be really clear for me to understand and usually when its not I pretend that it is to avoid embarrassment or awkwardness.

However here's how I know I might not have Asperger's:

Handwriting is often poor.

Internal thoughts are often verbalized.

Unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch and accent.

Unusual facial expressions or postures (I don't know if I have this).

The film was good for its story. I wasn't at all too aware of Max Mayer as director. During the film, the only part that I felt uncomfortable with, was the cupboards that were filled with mac and cheese used as an hourglass. Adam had a healthy stock of Mac & Cheese and to indicate the passing of time Mayer would fade several boxes as a countdown in one of the earlier scenes of the film. I'm not entirely sure why this bothered me but it did. Also, I don't like mac and cheese but that had nothing to do with it.

Awkward To Be Human...Too many Hard Feelings

My Monthly Aresian Horoscope
March 21 - April 19

You'll be sitting and watching those around you in a cafe or diner of sorts. You'll be tired and drifting between thoughts that haze rapidly like overcast clouds, spreading above the weather of your mind. With friends, you'll sit and listen when distractions silently allow you to and tiny accumulations of boredom will no doubt begin to toll the borders of tolerance. Its rather dark and cool in the cafe or diner, with candles at each table to warm you up for the bad service. When the waiter finally waits you'll order some food and possibly eat it too fast and constantly wonder what you're still doing there. Sitting. Thinking. Barely participating in conversation, adding a joke or addendum but never initiating the body of discourse, never staking too much in its practice. What is it you want? Where is it you'd rather be? You can't help but know it isn't above that seat and under that dark ceiling nourished by some french music; interlaced with voices all crumpled together like a page with an error that looks at you and blames you for its existence. You want to get up and exit, alone. You'll leave the money for what you ordered on the table and go home. You wonder if your friends will be hurt by this behavior but you don't feel guilty or shameful for feeling as you do. You want to leave them.