Benji the Hater: The Perversion of Perfection

Benji Says

I hate car commercials, not just because I'm a dog and I can't drive (thats what you think!). Not just because I have no idea what the acronym, APR stands for, or why terms like "0% finance" should make me stain the carpet. I'm just not that impressed by them. Sure, some of the music is good; better than most commercials actually but I also love the soundtrack to a lot of god-awful 70s and 80s films, it doesn't make the piece of shit any better!

Here's the commercial that I just saw:

Forward Living, huh? I'd rather live my life in reverse like my man, Leonard Shelby. Seriously, who wrote this?!

SCENE - Man in Lexus stops at Wolf in a city street at night. They regard one another, in an ambiguous, pseudo-gay, we-used-to-be-ex-lovers sort of way. They pass one another and corny European Coldplay-esque music cues.

I wish I were that Wolf in the street I would've fucked that dude's life up! I'd make meatloaf out of that dickbag's face!

You heard it from me, Benji!

Benji the Hater: Well Gang, Looks Like We Have Another Asshole in Our Hands!

Benji Says

So there's this douche bag of a character named Frederick Herman Jones but to many of us that watched the popular cartoon series, we knew him as Freddie.

We all remember his stupid orange ascot that matched his stupid-ass orange shoes; also, his anxiousness to split the mystery gang into groups and search for clues. Let it be known that he always choose to be paired with one of the females, what an asshole!

Scooby-Doo Where Are You?

I was never crazy about this show anyway, but that guy didn't make it any easier. I fucking hate Freddie, maybe even more than I hate Freddie Prinze Jr.

I hate his voice, I hate his comments and suggestions. He looks like a jock who couldn't play due to an injury and somehow got stuck with the mystery gang, if for no other reason than to ball Daphne or Velma if not both.

Too bad Shaggy was such a pothead, if I were him I'd have told Freddy what's what! I should've been Scooby-Doo, I WOULD'VE SMACK THE SHIT outta Freddy and any "ghosts" who got fresh! You heard it from me, Benji!

Benji the Hater: Make Your Face Behind Closed Doors, Please

Benji Says:

I fucking hate these chicks that are in so much of a hurry that they have to put on make-up on the train. I don't give a fuck how fly you are, that shit makes you look desperate, ho! That shit embarrasses me for you. Either wake up on time and fucking fix your face in the privacy of your own stupid home or just deal with your natural face, which quite honestly isn't helped much by make-up unless you're about to get your picture taken; if you're cute then you're cute and if you're not then you're not, you don't really expect to fool me. After all, its powder and lipstick not fucking CGI! Get it together ladies. You heard it from me, Benji!