Dark Knight Returns!

Harry Brown - Anyone else want to see Alfie Dark Knight the shit outta street toughs without a bloody cape and cowl! Its great to see the star of such action films as Get Carter and The Italian Job reprise his no nonsense badass brit grit. The main difference is that now that Michael Caine is older, he's even scarier...Old people with weapons in general are just a perfect example of Frightening. If anyone knows what a spit in the face life can be, its surely our elderly inevitables, luckily memory fades for some, but the more acute of the lot truly can impress alarm if added to some form of violent-expressive relief. I remember a few years back my grandma wanted to take out the baseball bat on some kids who accidentally wet our apartment window when they were playing outside with a water hose. I had to hold her back.

Wooden Realities

A Real Boy? Really?

I was watching Pinocchio with my niece last night and noticed something peculiar about how Pinocchio becomes a real boy. At the end, after Lil' P mortally sacrifices himself to save the life of his "father", the jocular, mustachioed Gepetto; Lil' P was not only awarded with the return of life but he is transformed into a real boy. The Blue Fairy grants Pinocchio authenticity in response to his proving himself to be brave, honest, and unselfish. Hmmm. This caught me as a bit of a surprise. Sure Lil' P was brave and definitely unselfish but he never quite did prove himself to be honest.

A Boy Who Won't Be Good, Might Just as Well Be Made of Wood

The only time he was tested in matters of truthfulness, his nose famously marched forward, practically poking the Blue Fairy. Never again in the film did this facet of character come under examination or trial. True, I'll admit he never again lies in the film, but then again he never is given an opportunity to actually tell a truth, thus never proving that he can. At the sentimental reunion of Lil' P and Gepetto, inside Monstro the Whale, there is a point where Gepetto notes Pinocchio's donkey ears and tail. Gepetto asks his "son" for an explanation, as God would a naked Adam. But before Lil' P is given a chance to answer, Gepetto disregards its relevance as he's overjoyed at being reunited with his boy. "Nevermind," Gepetto instructs him. Would Pinocchio have had told the truth if not interrupted? Maybe yes, perhaps no. The little wooden boy's track record for learning a lesson doesn't help him much. In fact, after falling for Honest John's dupe the first time he no sooner hails a second dupe, almost as if he was asking for it. There is no reason why we mightn't assume that Pinocchio had not yet learned his lesson about lying when Gepetto asks about his ass-like features. Of course, we'll never know.

Since Pinocchio did not prove himself to be honest through action, is there another criteria by which the Blue Fairy has judged him so? Is there a logical adherence between her three conditions that governs, if two of the conditions are true then in fact, all three are true? If so, then this is never made clear. However, if Pinocchio has proved himself to be brave and unselfish, then that logical adherence would automatically include honesty and explain the Blue Fairy's decision.

Little Puppet Made of Pine, Awake. The Gift of Life is Thine

Being certain that there are cowardly, selfish individuals who, proudly, are honest; and brave, selfless individuals who are dishonest, I can only comment on how brash the Blue Fairy's reasoning can be if such a reasoning was at all instrumental to her decision. There is also the possibility that to a wooden boy, bravery and sacrifice are of different value than to a human being, and its just a matter of proving the capacity for two out of the three and gaining the third gradually. Let us not forget the Blue Fairy deals with magic, not science or logic. This leaves so much open in ambivalence.

However, viewed exclusively from her words and Pinocchio's actions, (magic aside) there is a carelessness in the Blue Fairy's final decision. I would argue she has been carrying that wand for either, too short or too long a time and has become compromised. To the benefit of the film and Pinocchio, she hastily judges Lil' P's case. I can only hope someone hastily judges mine.

September Make It Happen

If I could request one thing from the media

this month, what, what, what ever shall it be?

Whiteout. A film to be released Sept. 11, 2009. Starring Kate Beckinsale as a U.S. Marshall investigating a murder in Antarctica (yea, murders happen there too). Based on a graphic novel written by Greg Rucka and penciled by Steve Lieber. To be clear, it was written wonderfully by Rucka and penciled marvelously by Lieber. The graphic novel has no color, its in black and white, with maybe more white than black (reminder, it takes place in Antarctica).

Now, my request is that this film's trailer is exposed as a hoax and that the real film is not this thawed out tragedy of an adaptation. My request, is that the real Whiteout film is in fact in black and white, shot in the widest format of film, does not star Kate Beckinsale as Carrie Stetko (if Carrie looked like Kate Beckinsale she'd probably go into acting not federal law enforcement).

Anything Less Would Be Uncivilized

Is it just my opinion that Hugh Jackman's Wolverine in the X-Men films is non-other than the equivalent of John Stamos' Uncle Jessie in Full House. The sideburns and meticulously moussed, carefully conspired hairdo, the leather jacket, the boots and the whole "born to be bad" thing; Uncle Wolvie and The Rippers.

Nothing against Hugh Jackman, I like him as an actor. Something against whoever casted Wolverine as a neat hipster who occasionally gets angry and apparently displays great leadership skills (is there even a single scene with Cyclops actually leading the X-Men in any of the 3 films?) Granted, The Ol' Can Knucklehead has always been a favorite in the Marvel world, highly popular and successful in his own right but after three films that basically were Wolverine and the X-Men, we are told that a Wolverine spin-off movie is soon to hit theatres and are furthermore, expected to be impressed.


"Great, A Wolverine movie! Its going to be dark and gritty almost a film noir where we get to see Logan's attitudes and rages explored; where he's allowed free focus without the guilt felt when that same free focus was monopolized on him during the X-Films."

"Uh, not quite. Its actually a quick origin movie and we're going to throw in a bunch of other mutants that are more than unnecessary to tell Logan's story because we don't know how to focus the spotlight on Wolverine unless he's stealing it from other under-developed characters."

Zack Snyder should have directed this film. I did not like The Watchmen but what worked for 300 and even Rorschach, would've worked well for Wolverine. Violence, adrenaline, gore, and uncompromising righteousness. I would love to see a misanthropic, napoleon complexed, scraggily voiced, hairy, canadian runt with adamantium claws and a reason to use them; when you see the character on screen you should be able to almost smell the cigarettes and beer, you should feel aversion on the outside but secretly, an envy to the loss of inhibition and primal freedom for which wolverine is a walking metaphor. I want to see the black and gold stripe costume, the cowl, the grunts and growls; anything less would be uncivilized.

Watching The Watchmen

Just a warning to those who have not read or seen the movie, I do disclose information that may very well spoil the movie for you.

I saw the Watchmen at the first minute of March 6, 2009. Yes, by no plan of mine did I agree to join the movie zealots who could not wait for an actual sun to introduce friday as the opening day. I don't want to fully dress the description of the event only to sharply nake its conclusion, so I'll just tell you I was not impressed.

Maybe I mayn't find the exact qualifications to call myself a fan of The Watchmen but beside the fact that I've only read the graphic novel one and a half times (rather recently may I add); I do read and I do watch films. I immediately loved Alan Moore's creation of an alternate world where costumed heroes exist and the realistic consequences of that factual circumstance. After reading the graphic novel I had to look through it once again, since I was so immersed in the writing that I at times forgot to take in Dave Gibbons' wonderful and classic images and direction. And I knew the movie adaptation would not be able to completely replicate the graphic novel, a medium fully made use of by Moore and Gibbons who stocked their world with history and depth through supplementary material between chapters and further fermented the richness of the plot and theme with The Tales of The Black Freighter, a comic book within the graphic novel that interwove with the events occurring in the story. And while its true that adaptions of written works onto films usually stumble short and shy of its source, there is still something to be said of a well executed screenplay and director who can translate the emotions and atmospheres of the written work and re-establish their counter-part onto film. Zack Snyder did not succeed in accomplishing this.

It is my opinion that sequence leads to consequence, that consequence is made up only of all sequences prior. Everything in the present is the ultimate result of everything that came before it, becoming in itself another sequence for a later consequence. To build the world and story of The Watchmen, which tenses and leads to a sweltering climax, one must carefully plant the sequences. The handling of the subtle information that should collect and cancer itself into the tension of a climax and the release of a resolution must be essentially considered. If executed properly, from the bright glow of the climax, like a mushroom cloud shall the consequence bloom a full, fertile tree. One easily felt bored by the characters and their conflicts, leaving one a bit apathetic and misunderstanding to their reactions. For instance, when Laurie breaks down and cries when John discloses to her that she is infact the daughter of Eddie Blake, The Comedian, her reaction is just as out of place as Dan's when Rorshach is burst apart by Dr. Manhattan. Laurie's hatred for Edward Blake was not emphasized enough for such a reaction nor was the bond between Rorschach and Niteowl (Dan). There was not enough emotional depth to the characters in the movie to validate these passionate outbursts. Rorschach and John were the gems of the movie but even Rorschach's set-up capture at Moloch's apartment and John's interview trailed steam where fire should've blazed. Yet, we were not deprived anything during Dan and Laurie's sex scene aboard Archie. A scene too long and slow for comfort. Immediately recalling Snyder's slow-motion sex scene between King Leonidas and Queen Gorgo in 300. And even though, I could have done without it in 300 it wasn't as crude and awkward as Niteowl and Silk Spectre II piping aboard poor Archimedes in slow motion as if we the audience should savor the visual sensation, which consists of no more than Niteowl and Silk Spectre II's facial and bodily writhing through a cool-blue camera filter.

Regardless of what may've been said of 300 I did enjoy it and still do watch the DVD from time to time. Zack Snyder's style does work depending on what the movie calls for. The slow-motion accents of actions, the color, and the camera direction; these were areas that annoyed me about The Watchmen movie yet coincidently, they were also the points I found interesting in 300. You can't cook a steak the same way you fry an egg, even if you use the same pan.

As I sat there watching the movie I felt stationed somewhere between restless and listless because, having read the graphic novel, I knew what was going to happen and the compensation of an interesting transposition from literature to film did not acquaint. The ending was slightly altered, this I didn't mind; but by failure of the story and direction to carefully present everything that leads us forward to the end in a compelling fashion, did its impact suffer. The Watchmen is a great graphic novel, I don't see why it shouldn't have been a great film. As far as the story, of course its good, could anything else be expected since it follows the graphic novel, only omitting minor details that may be more important than realized. The film definitely wasn't butchered and I believe its only those who, wished for an equivalent department of reverence for the film to board adjacent to the reverence residing on the written work itself, that will be disppointed. And why shouldn't they? No compromise. Unfortunately, this leaves a huge blood stain, like a crimson ink blot on the clear white snow of your impression.